I have a doctors appointment tomorrow. I’m going in for a physical and getting my heart examed. I had no idea smoking some of the things that I smoke would cause my heart to grow permanently. I had to idea that’s how my dad died…
Another doctor told me that I’ll probably die by the time that I’m thirty, if I’m lucky. If he told me this a year or so ago, I wouldn’t have cared but now I’m scared. I wish I could go back in time and tell that crackhead girl that I had no money to support her habit and it was something that I didn’t want to get into to. I wish I could go back in time and do a lot of things differently.
Anyway, I guess my heart is three times the size as it should be and the veins are squeezed tightly. The only time they’ll release is when I die. The scary thing about that is, it can release anytime and I wouldn’t know blood is coming out of my mouth, nose, eyes, etc. I’ll grip my heart, fall over and die.
Why the hell did I smoke?