My name is Jerlene. J-E-R-L-E-N-E. Do you see an “A” or a “Y” in there?

I get called “Jerlyn” a lot - ALOT. That, I don’t mind. I’m use to it and it’s actually how my name was originally intended to be pronounced.

My name is a combination of my mom’s name and my biological father’s name, which are Linda and Jeremiah. Don’t ask me how they got Jerlene in the end because not even they know, I’ve asked…dozens upon dozens of times.

The one name that I get called a lot as well is “Jarlene”. Jarlene? Are you serious? Come on now. This one, I don’t get, nor do I like it. I don’t know how someone can look at my name, hear people say my name and still actually call me “Jarlene”. Who the fuck names their kid “Jar”? Well, who the fuck names their kid Jerlene, right?

Anyway, I took a leave of absence from work for over a month. When I came back, my name switched from “JERLENE” to “JARLENE” on the schedule. I IMMEDIATELY said something about it. That’s one name that I never liked and probably will never like.

Misspellings, I don’t mind too much. For a good 5 months, even after I said something a bunch of times, my name on my work schedule was “JERLEEN”. I finally got it changed though. I didn’t like the way it looked.

So yeah, the proper pronunciation of my name is “Jer” as in the “jer” in “jerk” and “lene” as in “lean”[like lean meat or lean on me, you know?]. GET IT RIGHT! No, just kidding. Just don’t call me Jarlene. I’m begging you…

…Or is it more? I think about you throughout the day. I think about touching you, but I’m not hurt that I don’t get to. I’d like there to be some sort of reciprocation, but I won’t get hurt if there is none. I get this unsettling shyness feeling when you’re around. Maybe it’s infatuation? You make me want to better myself. You’re so amazing in my eyes. I want to be the best me for you. I want to tell you how I feel but I rather not have to see the repulsed expression on your face.

“Little things” are noticed and endlessly analyzed for meaning. Everything you do seems to be an act of reciprocation. These things could be normal for you though, and I may be building it up in my head. I see some qualities in you that you could do without, but I somehow find good reasons for you to have these qualities. Crystallization perhaps?

You are one of the most beautiful people I have come across in my life, inside and out, but a sexual relationship is not needed, nor is it what I’m after. I just like how you make my heart palpitate. Though this is an unrequited limerence, so I’m trying to let go of you. I hope to eventually get bored and tired of thinking about you. Not that I don’t like it, but I know I can never be to you what you are to me. So I need to start seeing you as “just another girl”, though you will never be “just another girl” to me.

There are three things a girl will do if she’s into you.  She’ll become nervous, give you lots of eye contact and/or laugh and smile a lot with you.

In my personal experience, I noticed that these are VERY true.

My best friends and family don’t even give me a lot of eye contact. Their eyes tend to wander. If a girl likes you, watch her eyes. Her eyes will be locked on yours if she’s interested.

As far as being nervous goes, why would someone that doesn’t like you be nervous around you, right? Unless they feel threatened or intimidated by you. I’m sure they’d give off the evil eye though.

The way I tell if someone is into me is I touch them whenever I’m having a conversation with them, or even just out of the blue. I watch for their response and if they smile then I smile back - and it goes from there. If they look at you like, “What the fuck?!” - back off. They’re probably not interested.